12 Oakdale

  Time has become very elastic for me. Sometimes it seems very long, almost like a kid waiting for Christmas. Other times, it snaps back. We have been here 6 years. Can that be true? I read that people with dementia are confused about WHEN they are, so that is why they get so upset about WHERE they are. If I believed it was 1964, why am I here and not in my childhood home? I get it. Although I’m fairly sure I’m still coherent. Not positive, but fairly sure. It is just that some things seem like yesterday. Moving here. The kids are young, not approaching or hitting middle aged. I just bought that blouse.  Then, other events seem so long ago. I bought that shirt at Macys in Fort Lauderdale. When did we ever live there? Memories get reversed by importance? In any case, we are here, and we are well. About all I can ask for. More than my share.

We start Year Six in Windermere. My innate optimism has ebbed away. Grant is working hard at getting healed and stronger, however, it all has taken a toll on me too. Little by little, I see our world contracting. That makes me sad. I know most of this low is because I’m so tired. Not just all the additional physical outgo, but also all the worry I have. The latter is probably just wasteful because there is so little I can control anyway.  I know this will pass. I will adjust. I will get more sleep. It is just now, in the interim, that I flail against my situation. I recently read a book that suggests being kind to one’s future self: will that cookie now make my future self happy? Is my excuse to skip exercise really how I want to care for myself in the long run? A positive spin on doing what I know I want, right here and now. It works some of the time. On the plus side, Grant’s fall was as well timed as possible. We don’t have any big events on the horizon that we would have to wor...

Year number 4 here in Windermere, with the exception of Grant’s falling and breaking his pelvis, was a good one for us. Of course I didn’t get anywhere near all of the things done that I’d hoped to do. I have, however, started lowering my expectations. Baby steps, baby steps as we revert to our second childhoods. I worked on my patience. Or rather, life has forced me to work on my patience, with Grant who feels bad needing my help, but even more with myself. Having to wait on him after his fall, literally hand and foot, since at first I had to get on the floor to put on his compression socks, wore me out. I just do not have the energy I had even a few years ago. So patience with myself and my aging body. There perhaps is some irony that exercising to keep myself strong makes me tired. Patience with my mind, because I know everything is still in it. It just takes longer to grab what I need. Patience with my watercolors. The more I learn, the more I realize how little I know. Patience wi...

Starting our 5th year here in Windermere. The pandemic has receded from our collective minds, with a few people still wearing masks, the rest of us either fully up to date with Covid boosters or denying the need for either. The political chaos continues, the economy is either booming or a disaster, depending on one’s party affiliation. Grant and I muddle along.  I can see big changes arriving to our lives this year. We are both slowing down which means we have to hurry up and do whatever we hope to do. Any desired trips or events need to be put in the “now or never” file. At the same time, we are facing the reality that some things are starting to move from our lives. Will we ride bike again? If not, they need to find new homes. Same for much of our camping gear. I am sad about this. On the other hand, we are hale and hearty, with the now constant caveat, for our age. As my father said, we can still feed ourselves, and if  when we get to the point we can’t, someone will step u...

I am in a dither getting our house and yard in order before we go to Michigan and Ohio for a 10-day birding trip. The weather here is between spring and summer. The mid- day temperatures are getting to low-mid 90s with promises of  30% precipitation that doesn’t happen. Everything is dry and crispy. I’m running the front yard sprinklers everyday, using 2 programs on the timer so I can easily turn one off when the rains finally start. We are supposed to be on twice a week watering, however I have a few new plants who need help getting started, especially my fairy hibiscus (Hibiscus poeppigii) I planted under the oak and tiny gaillardias (Gaillardia grandiflora )  over in the bright sun. Were I to be home, I’d just throw a bucket of water on them each morning. We’ve started turning the AC during late afternoon and night. It’s still cool enough to open the house until about noon, but that’s about over. Until then, Gracie enjoys looking out the living room window, unfazed when th...